fall is not my spirits season
a tested theory
less to give than i need
some days im a wave
that doesn’t know it
let alone what ocean im in
hence all i can offer is anothers inspiration
be no the slave of your own past.
plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.
-ralph waldo emerson
dear friends,
life is mostly as it was last time i wrote. ive started a new job but maybe you have too. ive been thinking of washington and alaska.
im living my life within extremes and flitting between opposite poles which ive been told for me means im healthy and happy.
sometimes i make happy memories and sometimes i live of off the memory of those already made.
ive had some time off which naturally put my head in the clouds. im scheming dreams which ive sorted out like a choose your own ending mystery novel.
it probably becomes silly but my heart is still with you all and so my home has become scattered. i think of you often and am proud and happy about the things you are doing.
oceans of love
sld
so, ashley left last night and strangely i’ve been on the verge of tears all day.
severe nostalgia.
it just has me thinking…i’ve chosen this life and my best friends are also those that choose their own lives, like cats (mostly).
this is my happiest life but the trade off is not cheap.
i love a lot of people and there isn’t one place that i could be that they would all be there.
good friendships are the best lessons of extreme joy and the sorrow that follows their leaving.
ashley…if you happen to read this-you know it already, but i will love you for always and i can say that without cynicism. you have left me with such happy memories that i will store away on days like today. your dreams are as important to me as mine and i know you soared away on that plane both literally and not.
xx
lately olive and tulips star signs have been way too accurate and possibly self fulfilling. the narrator wonders whether they have lost their minds or are beautifully in sync with the cosmos. one would tend to believe the latter.
Three girls finish a hike. Their look is un-kept-grime stuck to their once sweaty now shivering bodies. Rain is brewing in the sky above, moving in from the north. They urgently order three bananas, a package of crackers, thick mango juice and a bottle of wine, Dalat of course. With three shots of passion fruit on ice they ravenously open their individually wrapped, five to a package- crackers-subtly flavored with cheddar cheese, calcium enhanced with vitamin d (wheat naturally). The passion fruit seeds are savored in between each of the six decadent crackers. As the storm moves in a sense of urgency takes over the scene that seems to signal the end of the world. Flies join the feast uninvited. People run in who knows what direction. Olive hurries to purchase her last item of clothing. Desiring an ethnic poncho, she settles on a classic Langbiang tourist relic, in the beautiful sky blue her mother has always told her brings out her eyes. It depicts parasailing, though she never went. She re-enters the feast as royalty enters a ball and Susan and Christine can’t help but be awed by the sheer beauty and practicality of her purchase. So with drinks unfinished they left Olive. Susan, true to her more honest character, selected a navy blue depicting trees, which she did actually see. Christine, a girl who usually knows what she wants, didn’t want any of them. Olive continued to sip wine secretly taking in the scene. Despite this fact Christine saw it first.
birthday haiku…
from now we’ll start small
for today i’ll put on wings
tomorrow i’ll fly
ok friends. i am massively out of touch i feel and that makes me sad. beyond that i am happy. i was reading through all of my past writings and realized that maybe, though i’m scared to say it, i’ve braved some wild seas and come out both living and stronger for it. i am happy with who i am. i m happy with what i do with my time. i have flowers in my room. i think i couldn’t ever ask for anything else. i was just having coffee with my moto driver friends the other morning, as i always do and it came up that i had stopped drinking. i told them a sad and only partially true history about how i was once quite good, had my heart broken and spent months drowning sorrows. the truth is that and i read “the picture of dorian gray” and realized that i had to grow out of what i had once wanted for experience sake. i had to grow out of it for lifes sake. so now i write a lot and am a good teacher. i smile genuinly and sometimes have to slap my knee to not explode with good energy. i danced for three hours straight on my birthday. i think about things and let those rivers wash over me before letting them go. i think of those that i have known and those i love, then i smile. x
i haven’t properly written for a long time and am now only sending words that i did not piece together, but they are much quirkier.
dear shiloh’s boyfriend,
hello, how are you? how is the usa? do you love my teacher shiloh? when you married with her?
right now i studying in cambodia. if you married call me to go enjoy you married too. when my teacher married with you, you must take care her and love her. don’t make her angry, and don’t have another girl. you must love her until the world disappear, make her happiness everytime, and kiss her every nights. you must love her until you die.
i wish you have babies.
from your wives students: botta, billgate, oudom.
dear caleb,
hello, how are you? your sister told me that you are very cute. i want to see you at cambodia. can you come to cambodia? what school do you studied now? we miss you so much.
right now we studied in cambodia in ggas school. it’s hot in cambodia. does it cold in usa? you like us?
in our free time we would like to play with you. hope you want to play with us and we hope you have good health and not sick.
your friend: liza and lada
dear cyprus,
hello, how are you? how is your study? how old are you? what grade are you now? do you have girl friend?
i am your mom student. i live in cambodia, phnom penh. i study grade12. i am 20 year old, my name is billgates.
i want to tell you that your mom love you so much. so you need to love your mom too much. you need to try study hard andhelp your mom an dad. you need to take care of your mom and your dad. because your mom and your dad need to work a lot to pay money for you to study and eat. so you need to study hard when you bigger you support them and take care of them.
i wish you lucky every time and your family too and happy every days.
from your mom bad student: billgates
tbc…these keys are dificult to type
miss all.
bukets of love.
